


静か (Quiet in the Way that Dreams Are)

by ZoeBug



Series: A Length of Twine (Prompt Jar Drabbles) [5]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Based on the imagery of Yuuri watching Victor skating in the dark while it snows outside the windows, Character Development, Character Study, Drabble, Dreams, Extended Metaphors, Fluff, Internal Monologue, Introspection, Light Angst, M/M, Self-Reflection, Spoilers for Episode 10, Takes place post-Episode 10, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings, very light angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-22
Updated: 2016-12-22
Packaged: 2018-09-11 03:08:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8951563
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZoeBug/pseuds/ZoeBug
Summary: You know, I think I dreamed something like this once.It was dark and snow was falling softly beyond the windows and there was nothing but the soft exhale of your skates on the ice.Quiet. I remember it being so, so quiet there, Victor. Quiet like the small morning hours of winter. Quiet like the moment an inhale becomes an exhale. Quiet like loneliness is."Loneliness" was a word I used to feel a lot but never thought too much about. There were lots of words I never thought about much before you came along, Victor. Words like “eros.” Words like “love.”





	

**Author's Note:**

> Oh, look, it's me writing another time-dilation-y introspective self-indulgent drabble. What a surprise. NOT.
> 
> So those sequences of Victor skating between shadows and Yuuri watching him wouldn't get out of my head. I was a little obsessed with the aesthetic of it after watching the finale today and this little drabble just started unfolding in my head so ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> I hope you enjoy none the less!

You know, I think I dreamed something like this once.

It was dark and snow was falling softly beyond the windows. And there was nothing but the soft exhale of your skates on the ice as they quietly shushed you, pleading with you not to disturb the fragile hushed balance of this place.

Quiet. I remember it being so, so quiet there, Victor. Quiet like the small morning hours of winter. Quiet like the moment an inhale becomes an exhale. Quiet like loneliness is.

No. Maybe not quite like that.

In my dream, it was quiet as in the moment when you've just stepped onto ice too thin to hold your weight. There is no cracking, no shattering, not even a groan or sigh of ice─just the feeling of something beginning to shift, to give beneath the weight of movement.

That’s what it was. _That’s_ what it felt like in my dream with you there─like the moment just before loneliness begins to crack.

"Loneliness" was a word I used to _feel_ a lot but never thought too much about. There were a lot of words I never thought about before you came along, Victor. Words like “eros.” Words like “love.”

You know, in Japanese there is a word for “quiet” like the one in this dream─quiet as in “hush,” quiet as in “tranquil.” _Shizuka_. Written 静か.

 _Shizuka_ is another word I'm thinking a lot more about these days. Thanks to you.

When I was younger and still learning to write kanji, I could never remember how to write the character 静 ( _sei_ ) in 静か. You would probably find that funny, Victor, that I used to forget how to write the character in the word for “quiet” and “tranquil.”

My mother helped me remember it by showing me that _sei_  has another character inside of it─青, the character for “blue.”

But then what about the other half, I asked her, what about 争? When it is used for words like “tranquil” and “peaceful,” why does 静 have the character for “to fight” in it?

Kanji have lots of meanings, you see. And 争 can also mean “to strive.”

I think maybe that’s why my dream that night was all shadows and shades of blues and you─ _you_ , extending your hands out towards me from the ice.

 _Shizuka_. Quiet. Tranquility.

My mind is one that seldom knows stillness, Victor, one that seldom knows peace. You know that. It was probably one of the first things you ever learned about me. _Shizuka_ isn’t a feeling I’ve ever known well. _Shizuka_ is a stranger that I will make eye contact with every now and again as we pass each other on the street.

But in this dream, with you and the soft, silent shadows of snow falling outside, _shizuka_  found me in the sight of you there in the blue shadows of a winter’s midnight.

When I think about it now, I can only remember flickers of things, there and gone before you can blink. Like light hitting the blades of a spinning skater. It makes sense, I suppose. That _is_ the way of dreams─all flickers and flashes. I’ve always thought skating was a bit like dreaming in that way.

Oh, but Victor, I felt like I had no breath in my chest, watching you slide in and out of shadows. Everywhere, you were speckled with the shadows of the drifting snow─your skin and your hair and your clothes. Like all things so fleeting and beautiful─snowflakes, piano keys─you seemed _ethereal_. The muted colors of a winter’s morning before the sun begins to rise.

In my dream, the graceful arcs of your arms made them seem to beckon me from the blue shadows of the ice. I couldn’t see your face, Victor, but in this dream with you I felt that if I stepped forward, it would be possible (for once,  _truly_ possible) for me to simply take your hand.

There was something there, in the quiet of my dream, that had always seemed to elude me, something that I had never been able to reach.

But in this dream of mine, I could almost believe.

You've gotten me to believe in a lot of impossible and dream-worthy things, Victor. Things like myself. Like love. Like a peaceful quiet in my head.

Like the  _shizuka_ from my dream finding me in the sight of our rings flashing like skates in the lights of Barcelona on Christmas Eve. Like you, with quiet snow speckling your hair and clothes and your hands reaching out to hold me.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos always appreciated!  
>   
> [fanfic/podfic blog](http://zoe-bug.tumblr.com/) | [personal](http://xiexiecaptain.tumblr.com/) | [twitter](https://twitter.com/xiexiecaptain)


End file.
